Monday, October 24, 2011

Ovulation Confirmed; Waiting to Test

I just got out of the shower and I really should finish up the homework I'm working on, but instead I decided I wanted to write an overdue blog entry.  I'm a naughty student I suppose.

I peed on a stick for a whole week waiting to get a positive ovulation test. Monday the 17th, I finally got a positive test in the evening.   Sire and I had had sex that morning so I felt awesome about the intercourse timing for ovulation.   Friday, Saturday, and Monday I had coworkers that didn't even know that I am trying to conceive ask me if I was pregnant.   I'm hoping my coworkers are having some sort of collective premonition of this cycle being the one.

Today I'm Seven days past ovulation and I don't know how I'm going to make it through this next week waiting to test.   My temperatures are high the last few days.  I'm hoping that's a good sign.  I've been lighting a candle, burning rose incense and praying to Aphrodite everyday.   I'm sort of a bad Pagan in that when I pray to a God it's really informal, but I'll talk about that another day.


Yesterday I had a sort of fail.  My daughter had a friend over expectantly.  After her friend's mom dropped her off I went up to the bathroom and happened to the look in the mirror and see the shirt I was wearing.  My Eden Fantasys Shirt that says "I like things that go Vroom."  It's my favorite shirt to sleep in because it is just so comfortable.  (You can get it as a free gift right now with your purchase)  Hopefully her mom either didn't read the shirt or didn't get the refference.  She doesn't come off as the type that would have been comfortable with that.  

Then to make matters worse, the first thing my daughter does is bring her friend into my bedroom and pick up an empty sex toy box that some how fell out of the closet.   I was having a minor panic attack when I realized I had sex toys laying out all over my room (above the kids eye level) and quickly ushered them out and shut the door.  I think no one ever had an idea what was going on other than me but I think I learned a lesson all the same.   Sire keeps telling me one of these days someone is going to come over and find a vibrator on the bathroom sink.   He's probably right.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Hey Life! Stop so I can catch up!

Wow I just read a post from September and realized that is still exactly where I am.  When I get caught up on one thing another gets behind.  Then when I take a break for a day everything gets behind again.  So yeah that's where I am.   I am so worried Eden Fantasy's and Digital Playground thinks I'm flaking on them but I'm totally not.  My work hours are variable and on call so I'm just so exhausted.  I'm so busy I'm not even getting my homework done. Plus I don't want to take pictures or videos in my house while it's trashed.

I am so over life right now; I just want to take a break from everything for a while.

As you may know if you've been reading my blog and twitter, I am trying to get pregnant and I was really starting to get hopeful even though I had negative tests.  My temperatures were staying high so I thought maybe I ovulated later than my chart was showing and that was why I was getting negative tests.  I had an OB appointment today for a pap smear and knew that they could do a pregnancy test for me while I was there.  Well an hour before my appointment I started my period.  I was so emotional at work I just about lost my cool with a stupid calculator that I couldn't get to work.   I even skipped my class tonight.   On the plus side the midwife I saw the OB's office finally made a suggestion for my ovarian cysts other than birth control.   She told me there was nothing else Western Medicine could do for me but recommended Chinese medicine, specifically acupuncture.  She told me I if I told them I have ovarian cysts and I'm trying to get pregnant they could probably treat me to help with both things!

I did get this neat new toy in the mail recently.   I got this and a butt plug because I've been wanting to try some anal play.  Still not sure how I feel about it.  The Swirly Deuce is totally beautiful and it has a third prong which can be used alone for thrusting and I love it.   Unfortunately the toy doesn't like up well enough for me for the double penetration to be comfortable.  I am glad I got it though because now I know that I absolutely love glass and need some more.

I'm going to bed now.  Goodnight.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Negative

So I couldn't restrain myself and took a pregnancy test yesterday morning.  It was negative but it was also likely too early to test.  I really shouldn't have done it and now I realize that.   Obviously the negative hurt, but I'm still wondering was it too early?  I didn't think it would hurt because I was saying that I really expected it to be negative, but really why would I have test unless I wanted it to be positive.  I was in denial thinking I wouldn't be hurt.  So there was no point in testing at all since now I'm between wondering was it too early and being hurt.  I feel dumb.   Especially since yesterday Fertility Friend wasn't sure if I had ovulated at all because of my cervical mucus patterns.

It was really early to ovulate; I kept thinking it was just from me getting sick.    However, today after putting in my temperature Fertility Friend decided that I did in fact ovulate on cycle day 10.   Sire and I had sex a day after that so technically my chances are really low I think, but my nipples have been so sensitive recently I haven't wanted my daughter to nurse ( And yes I do still nurse my preschool age daughter once or twice a day ) so I've really been wondering.   I feel overly hopeful.

 I'm still feeling really sick but today I'm trying really hard to get caught up on my homework.   I think I should start having Sire stand over me to enforce it getting done with out distractions. 


Sunday, September 18, 2011

So Behind But Still Here

I have been neglecting my blog and I'm so sorry.  I'm thinking about things to post everyday but just haven't had time to sit down and write them.  I am so behind on everything.  I knew I was going to be busy but I honestly had no idea that I would be so tired in the evenings and have no will to do anything after I get home from my night classes.  I'm behind on homework, reviews, and housework.  It's awful.  My house has laundry, toys and dirty dishes everywhere.

I've been taking prenatal pills and have a massive collection of cheap pregnancy and ovulation tests.   I've been charting my cycle on fertilityfriend.com. We haven't been having a lot of sex or doing much of anything kinky in general recently since Sire and I have both been sick.  Since I'm sick I can't tell for sure but I think I ovulated early this cycle around the time we did have sex and if so I'm about ten days past ovulation and just aching to do a pregnancy test since I had cramps and temperature dip at the right time that it could have been implantation.   I may also be reading too far into it.  I think I should wait until next weekend at least to test but I really really want to do it tomorrow.   Seeing positive pregnancy tests at ten days past ovulation really makes me want to test.  Maybe I'll just wait until Tuesday atleast.  The suspense is killing me.  

Also I've noticed some of the other pains I had previously been contributing to my IUD recently (stabbing sensation in the cervix) so obviously it's not the IUD and probably wasn't before.  I'm wondering if it has to do with the damage to my cervix after my daughter's birth?

Anyhow I mostly wanted to post so everyone knows I haven't abandoned my blog, I've just been really busy.   I'm trying to work out my schedule so I know when to plan to do everything so it all gets done.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Cat's Out of the Bag

Today was unexpectedly exhausting. This morning I went to work and had to host a meeting I didn't expect to because my supervisor was ill today and couldn't do it.  I had no idea until I got there and saw a message for me on the phone about it. I had about ten minutes to prepare.  I stayed after for a while to talk with another coworker about lab hours.  When I left work I walked outside and checked my phone to see a message from Sire:

"Can't pick you up I'm in a meeting.  You have to walk home."  

It was almost 100°F outside.   

When I finally got home I stripped all my clothes off and nearly passed out on the couch.   I wanted to take a nap or play Arc Rise Fantasia and just veg out, but then Sire came home and asked me to run to the store with him.  So I got dressed again and went.

After the store we went to the bank and then ran by my moms house to pick something up.  I was all giddy about having my IUD removed yesterday and was dying to tell someone I knew in real life. 
So I went to my teenage sister and whispered in her ear "Wanna know a secret?  It's a secret you can't tell anyone!" 
She says "Okay... Yeah sure."   But sort of suspiciously.  I think she was afraid it was going to be some sort of TMI sort of thing.  
"I had my IUD removed yesterday!" I whispered very quietly.   My mother was on the other side of the room.
My sister responds out loud "I had  mine removed last week. Were you having problems with it too or...?"  And then she made a baby gesture as if that was some how less revealing than saying it out loud.  
I heard my mom on the other side of the room giggling like mad and doing a little victory hand movement.
I instinctively whacked my sister on the head with the mail in my hand and said, "Could you be more obvious? It was suppose to be a secret!" 
My mom started doing a happy dance saying, "I'm so excited!"
My sister apologized.
I found it necessary to proclaim out loud "I am not pregnant!"
And then my grandmother shows up from the other room and says "Oh but do you want to be?"
I tried to change the subject.  My mom was still doing her happy dance.  I told my sister to come by my apartment and visit then I said goodbye and left.

Oh  man.   I felt awkward.   I didn't want to have to talk about it with my family unless we actually got pregnant since they just are well hard to talk to generally.  My mother filled me with all this negative energy when I was pregnant with my first.  When I went to the doctor yesterday to have the IUD removed I was told I might be at an increased risk for early labor because of the damage to my cervix from a previous birth, but she didn't think I'd have any problems getting pregnant or before the end of my pregnancy.  I do have ovarian cysts though amongst other issues so we'll see how this journey goes. 

She asked me if I wanted to keep the IUD after she removed it; I wish I had said yes now because It would have been really neat to photograph for documentation here in my blog.  One side was bent a little bit, but I'm not sure if that was from the removal or if it was like that before it was removed.   I do have to say though that I had no pain when she removed it.  In fact I couldn't even tell she had pulled it out until she said "It's out!"  I went in at the end of my period so that could have been a factor that helped reduce my discomfort. I didn't really have any discomfort when it was put in either though. 

Now I need to focus on catching up on life.  Since I got home I've been lounging in my bra and my lazy time pants.  I'm hoping for some sex tonight as well as to get some reviews done.  I told Sire he could get a new video card for his computer if we have sex every other day for the next two weeks.   We'll see how that goes.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Big Day

I'm working on homework right now trying to focus but my mind is just somewhere else.  So hopefully if I write a blog I can focus for a little while afterwards.

I meant for this last weekend to be time to catch up on all the things I'm behind homework, reviews, blogging, ect, but I ended up playing Arc Rise Fantasia all weekend.   I got totally addicted and just couldn't stop; I secretly wish I were playing right now.   My dishes piled up next to me on the couch while I sat there all day gaming.  When Sire went to wash the dishes and saw all mine that I had left laying around he counted them and made a comment about it which I wasn't really paying attention to (too into my game).  Then he went upstairs and came down again with the paddle, told me to bend over the couch and counted for each dish (he even counted the empty soda cans and food I was still eating, assuming that I wasn't going to clean them up either).   Oh man my ass hurt afterward.  

Today is the big day!  The day my IUD is going to be removed.  I am excited but also an anxious nervous wreck today.   I just stopped menstruating yesterday so timing is pretty good.   I gave Sire a hug before he left today and wanted his final vote of approval and he gave it to me.  He'd been acting unsure the last week or two but he had a certain confidence in his voice today that makes me feel good about doing this.  He was even talking about having sex tonight.  I'm so excited.  

I've been emailing local midwives trying to find one that clicks and is in our price range.   First response I got really depressed me because it was really at the upper end of the home birth price range.  I'm going to keep looking.

Hopefully I can do a Wanton Wednesday post tonight.  That'd be nice.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Tease

Sire is away tonight so I decided to take tons of naughty pictures for him.  Unfortunately most of them are just too hot to share here.  But here's a few just to be a tease.
Tried to learn a a breast harness.  Rope bondage is tricky by yourself.  I almost couldn't get it off!
I've been sending these to Sire tonight while he's away on professional pursuits.
I have some incredibly sexy ones that are seriously making me feel like a Goddess.  
Sorry those are for Sire. ;) 


Sinful Sunday

Saturday, August 27, 2011

10 Things I have Done That You Probably Have Not

I couldn't help myself.  At the risk of sounding like a teenager it seems like all the cool people are doing it (Dee, Catharine, Kazi) and it looked like fun!  So now I'll attempt to think of 10 things I have done that you probably have not.  As far as sex goes, there's not much so this is a lot broader. Obviously I think all of these have happened to someone other than me but you probably have not.



1.  Made Penis Pancakes
Sire asked me to make him some pancakes about a year or so ago.  This is what I made.  Then he refused to eat it because it was a penis.   I thought it was funny, but of course he saw it as me trying to get him to put a penis in his mouth.   Well actually he was probably right.

2. Started a riot in a psychiatric hospital.
It was actually more of a protest, but they called it a riot.  Apparently psychiatric patients are not allowed to protest.

3. Dressed as a Marshwiggle for Halloween.
Sorry I have no pictures to prove this. ;)  If you don't know what a marshwiggle is, read the Chronicles of Narnia specifically The Silver Chair or just do a google search for marshwiggle.

4. Had a boyfriend accuse me of having sex with his father
One day his father came into his room while I was there and gave me a bar of chocolate.  My ex freaked out and asked me what I'd been doing with his father while he wasn't home.

5.  Masturbated upside down.
 It was sort of on accident, I didn't start upside down, but by the time I was reaching my orgasm I was virtually standing on my head.  I've done it a few more times intentionally. ;)

6.  Had a cat suck on my nipple.
This was not intentional!  I was pregnant and sleeping topless and woke up to one of Sire's six month old kittens trying to nurse on my breast! I was really weirded out. I didn't sleep topless anymore for a while.

7.  Made a bargain with a demon which may or may not have cost me my soul.  
I was a desperate stupid teenager not thinking in the long term.   The boy I lost my virginity with broke up with me for another girl and I desperately wanted him back.

8.  Had the same nightmare every night for three years.
In high school I had the same nightmare (with little tiny changes in detail) almost every night for three years.  Basically until said nightmare came true.  Then the nightmares stopped.

9.  Was voted "Most Unique" in my high school yearbook.
Does any other school have this category?  This is basically the nice way for everyone in your high school to say you're "The weirdest kid in school"   I'm so weird though I thought it was cool. ;)

10.  Got a citation for Jaywalking.
I was in the crosswalk and there was no traffic but I crossed against a light and a police officer just happened to be kiddy corner and a apparently in a bad mood. 

Friday, August 26, 2011

Babies

 Oh everyone is talking about babies recently it seems.  So many friends just had babies recently and then I went to class yesterday and many of the people I met in my new degree program had just had babies.    While on FertilityFriend  I was looking at pictures of positive pregnancy tests at 9 Days Past Ovulation and was getting serious baby fever.  Then my mom even started asking me when I was going to have another "You said you were going to if you got your own place.  Why aren't you pregnant yet?"  I didn't tell her I'm having my IUD removed in about a week.

Honestly I keep asking myself, is this a great idea right now?  I am confident it will work out and in my heart I know this is what I want but of course there is always that doubt.   Today Sire wanted to bring some of the other children home from preschool today because they were so cute.  I of course reminded him we will be making our own soon enough.  He responded "Oh but taking care of you when you were pregnant was so hard.  I had to push you up hills."   I think he's sort of in the same psychological place I am right now, but we don't have time to be indecisive.   If we're going to have another baby now is the best time.   So we're going to just try for a few months and leave it sort of up to the universe to decide.   I know that sounds sort of crazy, like flipping a coin to decide to have a baby but if we don't get pregnant in the time frame which is the most convenient for us to have a baby I will accept that it was not meant to be.

I'm charting my cycle because I really want to take advantage of this time and give trying to conceive my our best effort.  I am really finding it fascinating now that I'm paying close attention to the time in my cycle when things like my mood, appetite, and energy change.  Unfortunately I think  my IUD is messing with my cervical fluid patterns so those won't be dependable until my IUD is removed.  I know that I want a home birth so I've been looking at the websites of various local midwives and asking around but I feel overwhelmed.  I want to choose the one that will be the best for me, but also one that will know how to deal with complications and that we will be able to afford.

So we're going to start trying to conceive in September.  I feel like I'm crazy because of how much is on my plate right now with working and going to school, but I'm really excited about it and I really feel like it's the right choice.  This is what I want.  So hopefully this means lots of sex next month. 

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I Masturbated in the Shower

The photographs tell a story.  I think they speak for themselves.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Relaxing with Kahlua

I'm relaxing and drinking some Kahlua before bed.   I have a really busy semester ahead of me so I will not be able to spend as much time on my blog as I had been for the last month or so.   I do have some posts planned that will be going up soon, but I will not be managing many in a week.

I am working and taking 18 units this semester, with a preschooler while also I'm trying to conceive. Not to mention blogging.  I'm crazy I know.   I will be exhausted but it's going to be awesomely awful in a way I can't exactly explain.

I had been looking forward to everyone going to sleep tonight because since Sire started teasing my clit while I was playing video games I've been really wanting to masturbate.    I was so tired though that I was just going to go to bed but then I told myself I wasn't going another day without an orgasm.   So I got out the toys Digital Playground sent me to review (which by the way those reviews should be coming very soon) and had some fun.  I had an incredible first orgasm and then during the second I squirted all over my computer chair.  Those squirting orgasms always sneak up on me so I definitely need to get a throe. 

I plan to wear the lovely bullet I received to review from them, to class tomorrow mostly for the excitement of it.  The naughty factor of wearing the necklace is definitely one of the appealing things I love about it.  I have a new pirate costume I'm dying to take some sexy pictures in so definitely expect some reviews soon.   Included will be my first video reviews as well!  So keep your eyes out.   

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Stretch Marks: Beautiful and Erotic

Many women spend their pregnancy stressing out over whether or not they will get stretch marks (among other things of course).  I was also one of these women.  I bathed in cocoa butter everyday hoping to avoid them but the truth is that no amount of cocoa butter really makes a difference.  I ended up with stretch marks everywhere.

The first ones that showed up were on my breasts.  I was showering and Sire peaked in and thought I was bleeding.  I had not noticed but the entire underside of my breasts were blood red.  Next my thighs and hips developed stretch marks as they kept getting bigger.   I was a tiny girl before I got pregnant and I put on 1.5x my body weight.  Then my calves even started to get stretch marks on them.  I had never heard of anyone getting them there from being pregnant.   Around 36 weeks I started to get them on my stomach and they came on rapidly.   I cried a lot about them.

At the end of my pregnancy I was going in to see a chiropractor for sciatic pain when I saw a young teenage girl in the waiting room with stretch marks all the way down her legs much more extensive than mine.  Initially I felt sorry for her, thinking surely they must make her feel self conscious or that people tease her.  Then I looked at her I realized the stretch marks did not take away from her beauty at all.  In fact her legs were perfect and the stretch marks painted them in a way that made her look exotic.

I have come to love my stretch marks for the same reason.  They are something to be proud of.  I almost call them a symbol of status.  I earned them and they are beautiful.  It hurts when I hear other women I know going through what I did, even talking about having surgery to remove their stretch marks.

We must embrace the bodies of real women in order for society to recognize and appreciate our beauty for what it is.  My stretch marks are deep and much more visible than they appear to be in the photographs I took. I'm sharing them with you in hopes of aiding in the acceptance of stretchmarks as beautiful and erotic.  I hope that we see more photography with models who have stretch marks so we can show the world how sexy they are. 


Licking, Biting, Dripping

Thought I'd be a little creative with Wanton Wednesday this week and post something that requires the use of imagination.  I was licking some ice cream savoring the flavor when I realized eating an ice cream cone is much more sensual than I ever realized.  I decided to get some pictures.
My favorite part is getting to the cone, biting it, and feeling it crumble between my lips.
Oh my.  That was so yummy I need another one. 


See who else is being wanton.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

I Tied Myself Up

I got a package today I wasn't expecting until Monday. It was full of goodies.  After watching a porn and exerting some energy on the couch, Sire decided to geek out and watch Stargate SG-1 all day.   Since he was busy with that I decided to tie myself up with my new Japanese Bondage Rope

It was easier than it looked but still challenging enough that it certainly had a learning curve and my ropes didn't look like the tutorial I used.   They did come out looking nice though.
You can see the back is a little mismatched.  Sort of reminds me of a spiders web. 
After I was done being tied up I decided to go geek out with Sire. 

Sinful Sunday
Come sin with me. ;)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Elfen Lied Review

Sire and I just recently watched Elfen Lied, an anime series I would classify as horror while at times also having a very cutesy anime feel.  I had been wanting to see Elfen Lied for years now after hearing the theme song and seeing the beautiful yet graphic art from the series.  When I saw it was available to watch instantly on netflix I convinced Sire to watch it with me.  He is not as into anime as I am but he loves violent movies so that and the sexy naked girl with horns sucked him in right away.

Elfen Lied is based on a manga which I have not read but from what I understand the series is only somewhat loyal to that manga due to the fact that the manga was not complete at the time the anime was made.   Elfen Lied means Elf Song in German. I can only assume it is a reference to a music box melody that plays an important role in the story and is also beautiful by the way.  The character in the image is Lucy, she is the main character and is also a creature called a diclonius.  Basically a mutated human with special powers whose main purpose of existence is to destroy human kind.   Or so she believes, this is really left up for to debate if you ask me. 

The anime starts as Lucy escapes from a government research facility which she is being held in, slicing apart a lot of people with on the way.  She is shot in the head during the escape, loses her memory and is found by a couple of college students on the beach (who happen to be cousins that are in love with each other).  Lucy develops a sort of split personality.  The childlike personality she takes on while stricken by amnesia called Nyu supplies a lot of the cuteness and humor in the story.  In fact I was surprised how much there was to the story that was just sort of cute and not simply relying on the shock factor of the violence.  This is part of what makes the series so unique to me.

There are a lot of twists to the plot that leave you wondering throughout the anime. We could not stop watching it we were so hooked!  I spent most of the time desperately trying to figure out which diclonius was a certain researchers daughter. While there is no sex in the movie there is a lot of nudity and some briefly implied sexual themes. 

This anime is definitely not for someone that is easily bothered by violence.  It is full of graphic violence including peoples heads being sliced off and an animal being bludgeoned to death.   I have to say though that there is a really deep plot driving this anime that in my opinion almost anyone could appreciate if they could get passed the violence and tragedy.  I also have to warn that there is a scene in the movie in which a child is raped.  The rape scene isn't actually seen but it leads up to it and it is heavily implied.  If you're sensitive to this sort of thing you might either want to skip that part of episode five.  As I've already stated this anime is not for the faint of heart.

The whole anime is very tragic.  Incredibly so.  I was bawling my eyes out at the end.   Despite what you might expect from a horror the story is beautiful, the animation is beautiful, and it is all really pulled together by commentary it makes on the dynamics of human nature.  After finishing the series on Netflix we gave it five stars, which is very rare for Sire to do for anything let a lone an anime.   I really cannot compare Elfen Lied to any other anime I have ever seen and I am sad that I don't think I ever will be able to find anything like it.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Hearts on My Ass

I was changing clothes and had dumped our clean laundry all over the bed looking for what I wanted to wear.  I was naked bent half way over the bed when Sire drifted in without me noticing and grabbed the paddle.  I spotted him just in time to move in an awkward way that cause him to hit part of my hip.  Directing me not to move he smacked me on the other cheek as well.  It stung so bad but it felt amazing.  I absolutely love our paddle.  It leaves the most awesome heart-shaped marks.  


My Introduction to Kink

I posted back in June in my livejournal about my kinky tendencies that started subconsciously in childhood.
The movie The Whipping Boy came out in 1995.   I remember seeing a trailer for it and having a weird feeling and as horrified and disgusted as I was with spanking I wanted to see it.   I later saw it when it was shown on television.  I was disappointed at having missed parts of it, but I remember enjoying watching the kid get whipped even the idea in my head of it and having this uncomfortable feeling like it was wrong to feel that way.    I couldn't have been more than about ten or eleven.  Keep in mind though I started my menstrual cycle around that time, so I was going through puberty and hormone changes.  

Later I remember my mother renting the movie Breeders  it came out in 1997 so again I was probably around 12 years old when I watched it.   If my memory serves me right it could easily be turned into a porn movie.  I really can't remember much about the plot, but one scene vivid in my member forever was where one girl is essentially tied down and the alien is coming to have sex with her basically.   I had fantasies about this for years and never even realized they were sexual for a long time if that makes any sense at all.

These  movies sort of helped set the stage for my fetishes or perhaps they were already there and things like these helped wake them up.  
As a child I took any excuse while playing to be the one tied up for one reason or another.  I also liked put be put on a leash.  I have a memory from when I was about eleven or twelve of one of the last few times I played "house."   I was playing with a friend from school that had never really hung out with me before.   I was the child; she was the mom.   I did something defiant and she responded by smacking me on the ass.  Hard.   I had never had a playmate spank me and I was totally shocked.  I was in the middle of puberty and hormones were raging.   I was "naughty" again just so she would do it again.   I felt odd because I thought spanking children was wrong and I didn't understand what was going on with me psychologically. 

Fast forward a few years and I am suffering through some really difficult depression and struggling with self injury.  I was hospitalized a few times for being a danger to myself.  I remember other teenagers in the unit complaining about being restrained in seclusion and I remarked that I thought it would be fun.  One of the boys looked at me and said, "Oh you're kinky like that huh?"  I had no idea what he was talking about.  Incidentally I did end up restrained shortly before going home.  Officially the rule I broke was "starting a riot"or something like that.  Apparently psychiatric patients are not allowed to organize protests. I was tied to a bed "until I calmed down."  It's hard to "calm down" when you're tied to a mother fucking bed laying in your own spit and tears. I was restrained to that bed in tight wrist and ankle cuffs for hours; it wasn't the fun experience I had imagined.

Upon returning home an online friend of mine tells me that she was able to overcome self injury by getting into the bdsm world and I had little idea what she was talking about.   She then recommended a movie to me called The Secretary.  The main character in this story is also recovering from self injury.  It's a beautiful story as well as one of the sexiest movies I've ever seen.   And this was my introduction to the bdsm world.   I spent years wishing for a partner that would also be as into it as I was.  I finally have my Sire who brings me the pain and pleasure that I desire.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Aphrodite Fertility Altar

As promised here is a picture of my altar. It will still be growing but I finally feel like it is an altar now. I picked up the goddess statue that I had had my eye on today. There is also a rose quartz candle holder which I picked up at goodwill with a red candle in it. I'm using a seashell for a soap dish and I intend to get a nicer more appropriate soap to place it in. There is a incense burner with a pentagram on it, but the incense I bought to burn for Aphrodite is all small so I will need to find a smaller incense burner.

After going by the spiritual store we went to the comic book store and bought more magic cards.  I got my first legendary creature card! I love the art work on the Magic the Gathering cards, it's so beautiful.  I really wanted to play tonight but Sire is busy playing Dungeon Siege III.   I think I'll go play with him actually. 

Sex and Conception Go Together

I have a secret that no one ones except two people and I'm dying to talk about it.  I wasn't sure at first if this would be the best place to discuss it but a friend reminded me that my blog is for me so I should use it to write about what I need to write about.  Sire and I have decided to try to conceive a second child starting in September.  I have an appointment to have my IUD removed the first week.

There is a short window that would be ideal to conceive in  which would have the smallest impact on work and school possible.  So if we don't conceive by the end of the year that will be it we won't try again.  Previously I got pregnant really fast so I'm just leaving this with the universe to decide for us.  

At first I thought we'd just fuck like bunnies for a few months and we couldn't go wrong.   It sounded fun anyway.  Realistically though I know we are not always in the mood at the same time and with school and work we might be too tired to fuck like bunnies for three months.  So I decided I'm going to try to chart my cycle.  I bought a basal thermometer a couple days ago.  I saw it at the pharmacy while picking up a prescription and thought it was a sign so I bought it.  When I got in the car Sire saw me take it out and asked "Is that a thermometer you stick in your vagina?"  I asked him why he thought that since I hadn't told him what it was or why I bought it, he responded "Because it's pink!"  I have recorded my resting temperature the last two mornings and I'm going see if I notice a pattern I can identify ovulation with.  I'm thinking of buying a copy of Taking Charge or Your Fertility.


As I have already discussed, I am building an Aphrodite altar which isn't done yet but it's a work in progress.  Seeing as I have been working with her recently I will be continuing to work with her further to aid us in conception as Aphrodite is the Greek Goddess of love, beauty, sex and fertility amongst other things.   I picked up a beautiful rose quartz candle holder as well as some rose incense and sea shells.  I've been looking at feminine statues/sculptures for my altar and was having a hard time deciding on one but I think I may know which one I'm going get now.

While out looking for a fertility statue I found images of the green man and horned god images kept popping out to me and I realized I have been particularly attracted to horned/goat entities this week.  I feel like perhaps the a masculine fertility god is reaching out a hand to me to say that he will help.  I have not identified for sure who it is but I'm going to be meditating on this tonight.

Meanwhile Sire says if I get all the dishes washed before he gets home we can go to the comic book shop and buy more Magic cards!

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Moment After Bliss

You know that moment right after you have finally accomplished that breath taking orgasm? 
That feeling of blissful fulfillment?  
This is it. 


Sinful Sunday
See who else is being sinful. :D

Friday, August 5, 2011

Finding My Niche

I've spent this week trying to improve my blog as much as possible but I realized that I really am still in the process of finding my niche in the sex blogging world.   I started this blog with the intention of writing about kinky encounters and fantasies but I realized last night while thinking about the things I was planning to blog about, perhaps that may not where it's going.  There certainly will be kink but I'm not entirely sure if that will be the focus.  Nor am I sure spirituality is going to be as much as a focus as I had thought.

You see when I first started this blog I was really wanting to focus on the spiritual energy of sex for me personally.   I was having crazy fantasies about submitting myself to demons as a sex slave in exchange for my soul.  Obviously I was so horny I was not even thinking properly; thankfully I didn't do it.  I decided on the advice of a witchy blogger friend to ask an Angel to retrieve my soul instead.  I had recently remembered that I sold my soul to a demon in exchange for a boys affection when I was fifteen.  I didn't really think things through when I as in high school, but no teenager really does.  I tend to lean towards more malevolent and mischievous entities unfortunately so I wasn't sure how to go about interacting with an Angel.  After getting that mess cleared up I decided it better to work with Aphrodite instead.

Wow I can't believe I just shared that embarrassing story. Anyhow back on topic.

I would like to post about spirituality and kink here but I'm realizing that those things may not be the main focus.   A lot of the things I've been thinking about bounce between personal reflections on my sexual identity and geeky stuff.  I'm working on some toy reviews for EdenFantays right now, but I think from now on I'm going to do my toy reviews for them offsite in my blog here after I finish the ones I have started. Some of the things I have in mind to post about soon include my relationship with my breasts, Catherine (the video game),  Elfen Lied (anime),  sex toy reviews, erotic photographs and mythological fantasies.  I really want to buy some anime porn and blog about that too.  I've got my eye on Bible Black;  I watched the first episode and it looks really hot!   Also I just remembered I'm taking a class about the biology of sexually transmitted diseases at the CSU I attend that is starting this month. I imagine that I will probably be blogging about reflections on the class.  Hopefully I'll have a lot of useful information to share!

Anyhow what I'm getting at here also is that I really feel like I need a name change and I'm not sure where to go with it.  I'm feeling good about changing the direction towards something that fits me better and I am more knowledgeable about.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Lamenting the Loss of My First Toy

 In December of 2009 Tickle had a promotion in which they gave out $25 gift cards to anyone for a set period of time.  I was using livejournal for mommy blogging a bunch of my other online mom friends had posted about it.   Prior to this I had only one other experience with sex toys; Sire had brought me to a sex store but I was way too overwhelmed to know what I was looking at and we left buying a sex game and some erotic oils.   If it weren't for this promotion I probably wouldn't have ever bought a vibrator, I didn't think it was something I needed.

So I spent a while looking at the toys on their website and was surprised by the price on some of the luxury items.  I ended up finding this Doc Johnson Waterproof Egg and seeing that I could apply the $25 towards it and shipping without spending any of my own money I ordered it.   It didn't look very exciting and really I didn't know understand what a vibrator was until I got this and used it.   I had always used the shower head to masturbate since childhood.  I did it for years without even knowing I was masturbating.  I thought there was something wrong with me because I didn't orgasm from sex.    It wasn't until I read an article in college about the female anatomy and sexual pleasure that I really realized what the clitoris is and that I had been having orgasms for years and didn't know it.

Once I realized how to use the egg efficiently I stopped using the shower head and found orgasms much easier to come by.   I used this toy fairly moderately (maybe a couple times a month) until this June around solstice.   Something happened then that allowed everything to line up just right (solstice, lunar eclipse, ovulation and my daughter nursing a lot less) that I had a crazy sex drive like nothing I had ever had before.   I was using that egg three times a day at least!  It was around this time I was using my kinky livejournal again and discovered edenfantasys and it's review program.  I reviewed my egg and ordered some more toys. 

Then Sire decided to use my egg for his tummy ache and fell asleep on it and the wires started shorting out after that.   I was still able to get it to work if I bent the wire just right, so despite having purchased other vibrators I continued to use my egg.  It became less and less reliable, shorting out more and more until a couple night ago I was using it during a major masturbation session and it totally stopped working.   I had another toy handy to finish off but I am still sad to lose my egg.

I'm such a hoarder I'm not sure if I should hold on it for sentimental reasons.   I'm thinking of getting another one just like it, but I'm not sure if I would like to try a similiar product instead.

product picture
Egg by Doc Johnson
Material: Plastic
Safety:
Rating:
Vroom:
Bee:
Widget from my review on edenfantays.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Wanton Wednesday - New Purple Bra

Took my shirt off for Wanton Wednesday; decided it would be a fun thing to participate in every week.   This is my new bra I just bought last week.  I've been wearing sports bras for the last three years since my daughter was born and it feels nice to finally wear something sexy again.  I was buying new clothes to look professional for my job and decided to finally buy a new bra.  It's purple my favorite color, and it actually holds my boobs up.

Menstruation Delayed My First Assignment

Pirate Jesse Jane's Pleasure Ring
review can be expected by next week.
A week ago I requested my first assignment from EdenFantasys and the very next day I started my period.  The package came in the mail right after I had finished my last final of the summer semester.  I was so excited to get this beautiful cock ring in the mail but totally bummed because Sire doesn't usually have sex with me while I'm menstruating.   This is a boundary of his I respect and am perfectly comfortable with.  So I decided to take matters into my own hands this week.

Since I started using cloth menstrual pads I have really developed a positive attitude about my cycle and being on my period doesn't bother me the way it used to. ( Incidentally the best cloth pads around that I have found that are the most comfortable for the best price are from Mimi's Dreams. ) However up until this week I have not spent a substantial amount of time masturbating while on my period.  On the heaviest day of my period I had a  major marathon with my Hitachi and then my Rigid Rocker.  I love that the vibrations on the Hitachi is so strong I don't even have to take my clothes off to use it.  My waterproof egg was on it's last legs and now it is totally finished.  Not only did I have a couple hours of amazing orgasms, I also noticed that I had hardly any blood flow the rest of the night.  The remainder of my period has bee substantially lighter than it usually is.    I think I'm going to have to masturbate for a couple hours every month on the heaviest day of my cycle.

Of course this hasn't stopped Sire from paddling me or otherwise spanking me, usually when I'm not expecting it.  He loves to take advantage of any opportunity for a surprise attack on my ass.  Monday night I was bent over the side of the couch in an award resting position and he came up and smacked my ass so hard he walked away saying ow.  We have in fact been very intimate this week despite not having sex.  Yesterday Sire spontaneously grabbed me and bit my neck, hard.  

I tried out the bullet without the cock ring and was pleasantly surprised by the vibrations!  I'm so excited to use it in the cock ring!  I suspect today to be the last day I'm spotting, so hopefully I will have a review of Pirate Jesse Jane's Pleasure Ring up by next week!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Aphrodite in the Bathroom

With a new place that still looking pretty bare I'm looking to spice up the space with some subtle but beautiful Altars.

So far I'm planning:
Isis in the bedroom
Anubis in the living room
Hestia in the kitchen
Aphrodite in the Bathroom
and
A Faerie/Earth Altar in the Garden

Sire asked me "Why put Aphrodite in bathroom?  Why not the bedroom?"

Well because Aphrodite is associated with sex, beauty, and love. The bathroom is the place where I put on my make up, style my hair and is generally associate it with beautification.   Likewise, the bathroom is also the place where I prefer to masturbate; I would love for that sexual energy to be focused somewhere.  Not to mention the bathtub is a very romantic place to have intimate time and Aphrodite's element is conveniently water.

The bathroom is the perfect place for Aphrodite.

The altar I am planning will be simple in the corner of the bathroom sink between the mirrors with a small goddess statue, scallop or abalone shell, red candle, incense burner and fancy soap.  Probably also any other pretty tokens I can find that are appropriate for her.    I'm excited to get it together and will certainly have pictures up as soon as it's completed.

I know she'll appreciate the sex, er I mean patronage. 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Sex Toy Splurge: Welcoming My Hitachi Magic Wand!

 I'm so excited about this I had to write a blog post about it. 
Late Wednesday night I suddenly decided I was going to splurge on sex toys! I recently got my first credit card and was aching for something to use it on.   Here is what I got:

School girl costume with shirt and skirt.Fishnet suspender pantyhoseMetal studed leather paddle with raised heart accents.
Hitachi magic wand vibrator is a two-speed massager with a soft flexible head.Phthalate-free G-spot attachment for Ideal and Hitachi brand massagersSlim glow in the dark waterproof, multi-speed, multi-function massager with dial base control type and 7 functions of vibrations.

I had a $35 gift card (earned through Eden Fantasy's points program), and a 20% off coupon.  The slim smooth delight was a free gift.  I spent roughly $65 on $150 worth of merchandise.  Plus I got free overnight shipping!  I felt instantly satisfied after making the purchase!

After seeing my UPS tracking page say that the package was out for delivery at 8:30AM Friday morning I was super anxious and excited all day!  Later in the afternoon after some work related meetings I came home and put my three year old down for her nap.   Right afterward the doorbell rang; my package!

The first thing I did was to put on my school girl outfit.  My hips were bigger than I thought, but it fit and I felt hot! The fishnets had the softest material I think I've ever worn; except for my toes sticking out they were very comfortable.  While I was showing off my School Girl outfit my Sire spontaneously decided to try the paddle out on my ass.  Oh my god that paddle is loud!



I was super turned on after that and went up stairs to try my Hitachi Magic Wand with and without the attachment.   I orgasmed so fast yet so intensely!  I put on the attachment and it was amazing.   Within about fifteen minutes I was exhausted.  Who knew you could have so many orgasms so fast?  I love the large area the vibration covers, it's the exact kind of stimulation I need.   The Hitachi Magic Wand is just what I've always wanted. 

The only issue I had with it is it the size, I have small hands and short arms so it's a little hard for me to hold while I'm using it.  However I managed just fine however and was quite satisfied with the results.   We spent at least an hour playing with the new toys before I had to get focused on school work again.

I actually currently have the Hitachi Magic Wand in the living room, and it's been there all weekend because my Sire and I have been using it for back and muscle aches constantly.  I think he's actually been using it more than I have.  He even joked that we should get a second one.


My next purchase when I have some more money?   A toy from Bad Dragon.   I've got my eye on Duke.


Side Note:
As full time student with a career and a child I am a busy person, so posting new blog entries has been slow recently.  From now on I plan to schedule posts at least twice a month when I'm busy and hopefully more often when I have spare time.